Packing a Lunch YOUR Child Will Eat

It’s that time again.  Time to get the kids up every morning.  Time to cook breakfast to ensure they start the day right.  Time to figure out the most effective ways to get out of the house on time…yes, it’s back to school time!  As parents we come up with a plan on deciding what the kids will wear.  We figure out the quickest way to do their hair and have systems in place to ensure all paperwork gets back to school.  What about school lunches?  Day after day, packing a lunch for your child…one they will eat.  Yes, the school make sit convenient by offering breakfast and lunch.  But this is one area in which I admit to being a control freak.  I want to be the ONLY one deciding what my child will eat (while I can), and on top of that, at my son’s school, if I decided to use the catered breakfast and lunch, I would be paying over $5 a day!  That’s not good for my budget!

I have been packing a lunch for my son daily for a few years now, since preschool did not provide lunch.  I have the basic food groups I cover:

• whole grains
• protein
• fruit and/or veggie
• dairy
• a “sweet treat”

Luckily, my son’s kindergarten will provide the children with milk at lunch (at no charge), so my dairy will be covered.  As for the rest of the categories, I have gotten pretty creative over the years.   Here are some of my son’s favorite foods for lunch:

Main Course:

• Peanut butter and jelly (or honey)
• Whole wheat tortilla with turkey, light lettuce, tomato and a spread for a wrap (I use a light cream cheese spread over mayo.  Or an avocado/mayo spread is good as well)
• Bean and cheese burritos, again on whole wheat tortilla
• Homemade lunch able: crackers, cheese, cut up turkey and your child can build his/her own lunchable
• Pasta salad:  different color corkscrew pasta with butter, salt and pepper.  I mix in corn, peas, and broccoli…very good cold.
• Whole wheat tortilla with peanut butter and jelly wrap (my son loves tortillas)

For fruits I cut up a piece of fresh fruit or a banana.  The same goes for the veggies.  I will cut up brocoli, carrots, cauliflower and pack some ranch.

The “sweet treat” is never really that sweet.  I will pack some 100% fruit snacks and my children love it.  Every now and then I may pack 1 cookie….my children do not get too many sweets.

One way I try to involve the kids is having them tell me what they want for lunch.  I will give them 2 options.  They also help me pack their lunch.  Then when they get to school, not only did they decide what they were going to eat, they also assisted in making the lunch.  Needless to say, my kids eat everything.

These are a few lunch ideas I use with my children.  Once you get on a rotation, your child will feel like there is always something new.  Or maybe you will luck out and your child will get on a turkey wrap kick, or a peanut butter and honey kick!

Whatever you decide, the goal is to ensure your child gets a balanced, fresh lunch daily.  This will do wonders for their ability to learn, it will increase their energy and you are instilling in your child healthy eating choices.  And as I mentioned earlier, it is a much more budget friendly option.

When He’s Ready, He Will Stop

“Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations.  Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit.” 

This past weekend my children and I went to an event and were around a number of people who had not seen them in quite some time.  Aside from my daughter growing hair, the next most frequent comment was, “he still sucks his thumb?”  This comment was in reference to my son who is 5 years old.  My response was, “yup, he sure does.”  Some people felt the need to share their opinions with me regarding my son.  One person told me I need to wean him off of his thumb.   Wean my child away from his body part?  Does anyone hear how absurd that is?

Once again, this is a struggle with what society seems appropriate for children at a particular age, verses what they may need developmentally and/or emotionally.  Yes, my 5 year old son sucks his thumb.  But cognitively he is way above his age.  Socially he is able to navigate in new situations, make friends, compromise and share.  If the only “problem” with my child is him sucking his thumb at 5 years old, I’ll take it!  I have met children who at the age of 3 1/2 cannot formualte sentences.  I have worked with children who are 5 years old who will never talk or walk.  And I have seen parents agonize over these developmental delays and when they go home at night, I’m sure they WISH for a child who only sucks their thumb.

Will there be social ramifications for my son as he enters kindergarten if he decides to suck his thumb at school?  Perhaps.  But this is how children learn what is socially acceptable and in what setting certain behaviors can be displayed.  If he gets the sense from his peers sucking his thumb is not ok, that’s a greater influence and learning experience then being shamed at home by his mother.  Emotionally I know this is very comforting for my child.  If you have read my other blog, www.whydidigetmarried.wordpress.com, you would gain an even deeper understanding of my son’s emotional need for comfort.  The past 2 years of his life have been nothing short of chaotic.  Things are constantly changing and as a parent, I provide as much emotional support as possible.  But part of coping and emotional growth is for a child to develop and/or continue with those things that self-soothe.

My daughter was no different.  She had her pacificer until she was over 2 years old and I was “offered” many suggestions on how to wean her as well.  I am a a big believer of attachment parenting and following a child’s developmental cues, so weaning, of any kind, was never part of my parenting syle.  My daughter breastfed until she was 18 months old and weaned herself when SHE was ready.  The same thing happend with her pacifier.  One day the pacifier ripped because she would always bite it.  She came to me, informed me it was broken and threw it in the trash.  This happened on HER terms and she never asked for or looked for a pacifier since.   Did my daughter using a pacifier past the age of 2 effect her speech, effect her developmentally or socially?  Not at all.  What she did learn in fact was how to recognize  her own internal needs.  To listen to those needs, and to recognize when she no longer needed the pacificer.  We didn’t have any power struggles.  There were no episodes of screaming or crying or bribing.  My daughter deciding to throw away her pacifier became a personal milestone for her.  She became a “big girl,” and that night, she went from her crib to a toddler bed.  She was estatic.

The same goes for my son.  When he is ready, on his terms, as he learns how to manage his physical and emotional needs, he will stop sucking his thumb.  As a former thumbsucker myself, I understand the attachment.  I sucked my thumb until I was at least 10 years old.  I learned not to do it at school, learned not to do it in public, but also knew it was readily available if “needed.”  My son will learn the same.

How does this reate to guiding your child’s success?  It ties into trusting them.  Trust them to know what they need.  Trust them to take care of themselves.  It’s also a lesson in supporting your child, regardless of what societal norms might otherwise say.  Many times we impose timeframes on our children out of the fear of being judged as a parent.  Yes, society can be hard on parents.  We are to blame for everything that is “not right” in our children.  I let go of that a long time ago!  I know me and I know my children.  Lastly, supporting your child and follwing their lead will take away any shame and guilt from you.  As I have stated in previous posts, the most important thing we can give our child is unconditional love and support.  Allow them to be themselves when they are home without the fear of being judged or belittled.  So if my son goes all day without sucking his thumb at school that great!  But when he gets home, if he wants to lay his head in mommy’s lap, relax and suck his thumb, I will accept that.

Children move through stages and phases at various rates.  How long will my son be in this stage?  Only time will tell!  Stay tuned….

Are You Ready? Is Your Child Ready?

Preparing for a new school year seems to be overwhelming.  I keep reading about back to school supplies and lists given to parents by the school and blogs about the newest snacks.  Just reading it is overwhelming. 

My mind is in a different area when I think about a new school year.  First, let me confess, this is my first time getting ready for school.  Yes, I am a newbie and my son will be headed to kindergarten in a few weeks!  Exciting? Definitely!  Am I nervous? Of course!  As I get ready for school I have my own list of “must -do” and “must knows” and I will admit, they may seem a little overwhelming to some:
•Who is my sons’s teacher?
•How will they handle the transition/possible separation anxiety on the first day?
•Can I get (another) copy of the classroom songs amd reading list?
•What is the best form of communication: phone, email, in person or letter?

My list continues and in my opinion, this not only calms my nerves, but it will also be calming to my son because I will be able to answer any of his questions and mommy won’t be a wreck!  Another important aspect is that is makes me proactive in guiding my child’s success!  I have asked these qusstions and more.  The Program Director knows me, has emailed me at various times (which I appreciate) and I’m sure has NO doubt in her mind as to the level of involvement and partnering I am open to as a way to ensure my child transitions successfully.

I know I am truly blessed to have found an amazing charter school that not only embraces parents like myself, but encourages extensive involvement!  The school has been getting to know my child since May, when he had his “welcome appointment” at school.  This was a time for me to chat with the program director about my son, while one of the kindergarten teachers assessed my son’s skills through play and got a sense of his personality and temperment.  They have gotten to know me and my child even more as he completes kinder academy.  A parent and me program inside the kindergarten classroom to give the children (and parents) insight into the daily curriculum. 

So yes, as some buy supplies, I create more time with my son at his new school.  I know the transition will be tough at times.  Oh, I failed to mention this is a dual language program.  No English is spoken to the children in kindergten and most of first grade.  My son has already said to me, “mommy, the teacher doesn’t know english!”  He is adapting, but luckily, so will many of his other classmates…and me as well.

Let the journey of school begin and never be afraid or ashamed to be “that” parent.  Your child’s success is depending on you!

The Language of Parents

A number of articles discuss children’s language development, how parents can hinder or add to their vocabulary development and comprehension, and the importance of acquiring these skills to ensure early academic and social success.  But what about the language of parents?  How does this play a role in your child’s development of not only language, but their self-esteem as well?  How we speak to our children, the words used, the tone and even our facial expressions teach children about what YOU perceive to be right and wrong.

Here’s a scenario:  your child is carrying a plate to the sink and they drop it.  As you look at your child, you see they jump back with a scared look on their face because internally, they know they made a mistake.  They look at you immediately, fearfully awaiting your response.  What is your response to your child?  Think about not only the words you use, but also the expression on your face.  What are your telling your child externally?

Many parents react with anger, disappointment and the choice of words used will add shame to what a child has done.  I have heard such things as , “What are you doing?”  “You need to be more careful?”   “Are you paying attention?”   I see these questions as rhetorical questions because many parents who yell these things to their children ae not actually looking for a response.  These responses come from a place of frustration, or truly believing your child is just being careless, which may, or may not be the case.  But what messages are you sending to your child?  As they look up at you, already feeling bad for dropping their plate, are your words offering support for your child’s efforts, or adding to the shame and guilt already felt internally?

Here is the alternative ending to the scenario: Your child drops the plate and you show genuine concern and acknowledge their efforts. “Are you ok?”  ” Oh man, you dropped the plate.  That’s ok.  Do you need help cleaning up?”  “I know it can be tricky walking and holding your plate sometimes.”  These are alternative responses that give your child the sense that making mistakes is ok…because it is.  Even if there’s a mess on the floor, that’s ok, just clean it up.  If the plate broke, that’ s ok, mommy will clean it up. 

As parents our goal should be to instill confidence in our children.  Confidence to make mistakes and try again.  Confidence to know if a mistake is made they will not get into trouble or feel belittled.  Most importantly, confidence to feel safe to be who they are at home: mistakes and all.  This way of speaking to our children is called the Language of Encouragement.  It definitely is something that takes time to learn.  It takes time to stop and think about a response of encouragement and support.  Many times it may feel unnatural, but once you get the hang of it and see the reactions and boost of confidence your child receives from it, you will not want to revert back to speaking to your child as usual. Below are examples of responses and what they demonstrate.

Phrases that demonstrate acceptance:

• “I like the way you handled that”
• “I’m glad you enjoy learning
• “How do you feel about it?”

Phrases that show confidence:

• “I have confidence in your judgement”
• “That’s a tough one, but I’m sure you’ll work it out”
• “You’ll figure it out.  You are good at this type of work.”

Phrases that focus on contribution, assets and appreciation:

• “Thanks! That helped a lot”
• “It was thoughtful of you to _________”
• “Thanks! I really appreciate __________, because it makes my job easier

Phrases that recognize effort and improvement

• “It looks like you worked really hard on that”
• “It looks like you spent a lot of time on that”
• “I see that you’re almost half way through your homework”

 In summary, the language of encouragement helps to establish the following feelings with your child:

• Valuing and accepting children as they are (not putting conditions on acceptance)
• Pointing out the positive aspects of their behavior
• Showing faith in children so they believe in themselves
• Recognizing effort and improvement (rather than requiring achievement)
• Showing appreciation for contributions

As you begin to practice your new language as a parent, take note of the behavior changes in your child.  Notice how your complete acceptance of who they are will cause their sense of independence and confidence to be enhanced.  And notice how your level of frustration is decreased.  As we begin to accept our children including their limitations, we then begin to truly see all of their amazing and wonderful abilities!